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# OAT KRUNCHIES — IF ONLY THEY'D BEEN THERE!
- URL: https://www.politicallyincorrect.uk/oat-krunchies-if-only-theyd-been-there/
- Published: 2026-10-11T23:47:40.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-11T23:47:40.000Z
- Description: At Isandlwana, the British faced overwhelming odds - but could the disaster have been prevented by several wagonloads of Oat Krunchies and a generous supply of milk?
- Author: Politically Incorrect UK
- Tags: isandlawana, battle of isandlwana, anglo-zulu war, vintage packaging, british empire, Historical Satire,

**ISANDLWANA, 22 JANUARY 1879.**

One of the British Empire's greatest military disasters. Nearly 1,300 British and colonial troops killed. An army overwhelmed. An Empire humiliated.

**But could it all have been avoided with lots of breakfast cereal and several gallons of milk?**

Imagine the scene.

As thousands of Zulu warriors swept across the veld towards the British camp, Colonel Pulleine became aware of a deep, ominous rumbling.

“Good heavens!” exclaims Colonel Pulleine. “Is that a railway train?”

“No, sir,” replies the Colour Sergeant. “It's the Zulus' stomachs. Thousands of them, sir. They haven't eaten for days!”

Pulleine considered the situation.

The enemy vastly outnumbered him. His lines were overstretched. His ammunition arrangements were questionable.

But there was one considerable advantage.

**The commissariat had accidentally brought several wagonloads of Quaker Oat Krunchies!**

“Deploy the cereal,” he ordered. “And bring up the milk.”

It was an unconventional military manoeuvre, but considerably more promising than the alternatives.

Within minutes, the front of the entire British firing line had been converted into a breakfast counter and the British waited without firing a shot.......

The Zulu advance stopped.

Assegais were lowered. Shields were put aside. Thousands of warriors sat down to enjoy a hearty breakfast.

The 24th Regiment, recognising an opportunity unlikely to present itself twice, quietly withdrew with bayonets fixed.

The Zulus were too occupied with their second helpings to object.

Military historians have argued for generations over the causes of the British defeat at Isandlwana.

Poor leadership? Faulty intelligence? Overextended defences? Ammunition difficulties?

Perhaps.

**But nobody thought to examine the value of breakfast as a weapon.....**

The lesson was obvious:

**An army marches on its stomach—and the Zulu army was no exception.**

And, given sufficient milk....and Oat Krunchies....who knows what might have happened if deployed along the firing line.

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**OAT KRUNCHIES - IF ONLY THEY'D BEEN THERE!** 

*An entirely fictional cereal-packet spoof inspired by real vintage packaging from the 1960s.*