LABOUR’S LATEST HISTORICAL BREAKTHROUGH
When evidence fails, blame Reform. This satirical trial imagines Nigel Farage held responsible for everything from pandemics and potholes to rain and missing car keys.
A Labour MP suggested that Reform rhetoric helped create the climate behind the recent atrocity in Berlin. Reform was part of an “escalation of hate” across Europe, which was a “catalyst for real-world physical violence”.
But apparently the investigation has gone much deeper.
After consulting the imaginary Labour Historical Blame Research, investigators have reportedly discovered that Reform rhetoric was also responsible for:
The Black Death.
The Great Fire of London.
The sinking of the Titanic.
Inciting Adolf Hitler to invade Poland in 1939.
And, according to newly uncovered evidence -
losing your car keys.
Reform UK did not exist, Nigel Farage had not been born, and the events occurred decades—or even centuries - before the party was founded. But facts are no longer required when accusation replaces evidence.
The modern charge sheet:
Motive: We don’t like you.
Evidence: We still don’t like you.
Verdict: Guilty of everything.
And so a retrospective Nuremberg tribunal has begun:
Put Farage in the dock.
Question every Reform councillor about the fall of Rome.
Demand that elderly voters explain their role in the Black Death.
Because once political blame is liberated from chronology, evidence and common sense, there is no crime in history that cannot be traced back to the people Labour has already condemned.
When reality refuses to support the accusation, simply enlarge the accusation until reality disappears.
